how I stopped looking to others for approval and why you also should stop

I could begin by giving reasons why I felt the need for the approval of others. The reasons will include my childhood being the youngest of many children and constantly being told what and what not to do. Or I could mention my social need to be noticed and acknowledged which has now be digitized into my longing for ‘likes’, ‘views’ and ‘comments’.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with seeking and getting the approval of people we hold in high regard but I think there is everything wrong with building our lives around the approval of others.

It is one thing to seek approval as a feedback mechanism and it is another thing to rely on the approval of others to validate our existence.

Approval seeking should be a part of a process or more appropriately a part of a greater goal. There is something narcissistic about wanting the approval of others just for the sake of it.

As I dug deeper into the origin of my craving for the approval of others I gradually began to see a correlation between my need for approval and the size of my dreams, goals and visions. My craving for approval was greatest when I had no goal I was actively pursuing.

The greater the goal or vision, the less the need for approval for the sake of it. I only sought approval as a means of feedback. Only to see if I was making progress towards my goal.

If you find that you have built your life around the approval of others or someone in particular you might find that it is a moving target. It is even more shocking to realise that not all whose approval you seek mean you well.

My advice is that you recognise your uniqueness and your individuality. No man, or woman, is a deity and has all your cards in their hands.

Look beyond others, and yourself, to a goal or vision greater than yourself and others.



Published by Ochman

Nice to meet you. I am passionate about seeing personal growth and development in others. As a firm believer in the full exploitation of individual gifts and talents, I share my thoughts and observations from everyday encounters with others to spur them up to great heights.

6 thoughts on “how I stopped looking to others for approval and why you also should stop

  1. Good post, short but sweet. I remember when I used to be approval seeking and lots of people out there are looking for validation. You make a good point in setting goals and putting your confidence in them in order to remove this behavior. I can tell you first hand that it is a great solution. Keep it up!



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